Here is a guest post by the ever lovely SassyGirl of Girl and City! She’s fantastic and writes things I relate to and in such a way that keeps me entertained, even after months of reading her blog. (Which isn’t easy, actually.) You should totally check out her blog after you read her guest post…

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Everyone loves a gentleman, but there are some ugly truths that apply to even the most gentle of men. If you are in a relationship with a man, no matter how upstanding he is, these are a few things you should probably know (and accept) about him:

• He watches porn. Probably of busty Swedish milkmaids or Asian nurses or whatever you’re not. Don’t be disheartened. Just because he has a fetish doesn’t mean he is going to marry that fetish.
• He masturbates. Probably more than once a week. Probably while watching porn. Don’t worry, masturbation is good. It exercises the muscles in his genitalia and prevent penis cancer, or whatever it’s called. Also, it’s better for him to molest himself than for him to molest people who aren’t you.
• He appreciates good-looking women, and will continue to check them out when he thinks you’re not looking. As long as he doesn’t do anything about it, this is fairly harmless.
• He may still be a little boy inside. He may exhibit the following tendencies: laughing himself silly over Chuck Norris jokes, your mama jokes, or words like “boobies”; prioritizing video games or his favourite sports team over you; acting like a stupid jock in front of his friends, reminiscing over past wedgies given. You may worry if he will ever grow out of it. The answer is: it’s unlikely.
• He will always forget to put the toilet seat down. And sometimes, he may have trouble aiming.
• He doesn’t necessarily change his clothes/socks/underwear everyday.

My rule is, if I have to accept all these things about him, there are a few things he should know and accept about me:

• Women do fart, and we do not necessarily like holding it in. At some point in the relationship, I will fart in front of him. There are some women who believe that a woman should always uphold the feminine ideal in front of her man. I am not one of those women. Since when did being lady-like mean not being human-like?
• Women are not born without hair. And no, in fact, many of us do not enjoy shaving/waxing/laser hair removal. This means that at some point, he will see my hairy legs. See above reason.
• We may say we don’t like romantic gestures, that they are meaningless and a waste of money. But if he comes home with flowers or gifts, we still appreciate them.
• Women will always talk about their relationships with their friends. As much as he may want to keep our problems to ourselves, I need to vent to my girl friends. And yes, if the sex is bad, they will probably hear about it.
• I will always think that his mother hates me, no matter what he says.
• When good-looking women flirt with him, we will always be on alert. And yes, if he’s attracted to her, we can tell.

For better or worse, this is the truth about men and women.

xoxo
SassyGirl

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 17th, 2009 at 12:33 pm and is filed under Guest post. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.